Home Is My Place On Earth

Today I woke up at precisely 12 in the afternoon. I went downstairs, thinking of what might be in the refrigerator for me to eat. I figured that mum would not prepare for me anything, owing to the fact that we had an argument the night before.

“ Wen, why can’t you do anything right!” Mum hollered at the top of her lungs. She was in a seriously bad mood. My mum is a hawker, she works from dusk till dawn 24/7 without a wink of sleep. I don’t blame her. She did it to feed the family, so that we could survive. She sells everything — from groceries to street food — so that she can pay for all our household expenses. I even dropped several tuition classes because of the sole reason to help our family financially. Mumma wasn’t happy at all after she found out.

“Do you think that I cannot pay a measly sum of RM50 every month? What do you think I work for? Can’t you just attend those stupid classes and pass your Maths and Additional Maths? How can you fail all of them without even trying?” her florid complexion was slowly revealing her emotions. Mum was furious.

I studied, but I didn’t give it my all. I was used to thinking that my efforts were always futile, and I know deep down in my heart, that wouldn’t produce any good results.

Mum’s sleep deprived face and scalded hand did not help my resolution at all, nor did it lessen my guilt for abandoning my tuition classes. Several weeks before, I had canceled my tuition classes (three of them) without telling her and slipped the money she gave me into her pockets. Afterwards, I kept on hovering around the school library for self study, in hopes that I can make up for the tuition classes. Apparently, she had found out and wasn’t happy at all. I was ready for the scolding, but I wasn’t ready for what happened next.

“You shouldn’t have been born. I regret having you as my daughter. I regret it so much I cry every night, hoping that you would disappear from my life completely.”

Those words poured out like a gushing stream of water. The moment after she said that, she immediately placed her palm on her mouth, as if to take back the hateful words she blurted out in the heat of the moment.

After a painful silence, I tried opening my mouth, to try to say something, but my jaw was clenched. I was speechless; Every word I thought of, I could only swallow it back down. A rush of emotion surged through my body and I started sobbing uncontrollably, mouthing some words even I couldn’t comprehend. It hurt so much, my knees gave out and I sank onto the kitchen chair. The next moment, I was in my room, bawling my eyes out.

Mum’s words were raw and real.

The next afternoon, as I was rummaging through the fridge, something caught my eye. There were some fried noodles stored nicely in a small tupperware. Mum’s fried noodles were something I adored ever since I was a toddler. She had made it for me despite having to wake up early for work.

The following evening, mum came back from work to see that the fried noodles were gone. She didn’t apologise, nor did she say anything at all that evening. I knew I was in the wrong and knew the fact that she didn’t mean what she said at all. ( Please note that my mumma is very stubborn and is not really good in showing her emotions.)

I love my mum, I hope you do too.

Please listen to this song.

华晨宇 (Hua Chen You) – 天堂 (Heaven)

His voice will make you love your home.

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